An Internal Educational Dilemma

I have an internal dilemma/anxiety.

The semester is over for me; I turned in my paper and washed my hands of the stress. Stress is where the dilemma arises. Education is supposed to be a grand enlightening experience that will mold my mind into a master of eloquence and sophistication. I have spent the last 3 or 4 years trying to get excited about school, learning, and the experience, and it has worked for the most part. And really, it isn't totally talking myself into it, it is more keeping myself as into it during the latter half of the semester as I was at the beginning. The thought of school excites me and I love going to school and discovering new ideas that were never apparent to me before or read a book that was never on my radar; and that is exciting. I love that, I really do. The dilemma comes from the stresses of HAVING to complete all of the homework, performing for the professor, and completing the homework and the free time it takes up. I like going to school and learning, but I don't like being forced to work outside of school. I like continuing the learning at home, but I don't like having the looming deadlines of homework and obligatory reading. The quest for knowledge is truly exciting, but having someone poke you in the bum the whole time is not so fun. I am loosing my mental fortitude for keeping myself interested in school and the associated work. How do you maintain interest throughout the semester? Am I really burning out or am I Just lazy? Am I becoming one of those fluff ball students that complains about how stupid a class is? Is this the end of zombie Greg?

I don't think I am one of those kids who complains about being in school and how lame this class is because I generally really love my classes (as stated above). The problem is the deadlines.

My load at school this semester was relatively light yet I still felt like I was about to loose my mind by the end of the semester. There is something about knowing that you have to write a paper on a subject that you are only mildly interested in and that will count for 40% percent of your grade that makes my mind reel. I a good at writing papers; I have written a lot of them and I get fairly good grades with little effort. For some reason however, I feel like I can't write or that I won't be able to write a good paper. I feel the looming ax whenever I have a paper due. It sucks. I am done thinking/rambling about this. I really need to find a way to make it through another year of school.

Toblog's photo is of my brother Dan C. being a goof ball for the camera. He brings me great joy.